Brief Update... on Frank Slide, of course!

Since the dust settled after the Tour de Frank, boulderers have continued to roam the Slide.  Stephan and Aletha have been getting a huge fall season in at the Slide, and the numbers of problems they have worked through is impressive.  Kyle, Mark, and Josh were out in the Heart of Frank Sector last weekend, and put up a handful of new lines, including a new V4 highball (!) by Josh (as yet unnamed).  People should be heading out to the Pass this weekend for some bouldering, so I'm sure projects will get sent!

On October 17th, the 6th Annual Butte Bouldering Bash will take place in the Batholith outside Butte, Montana.  I'm hoping to head down to the granite boulders there for a couple days of bouldering.  Hopefully the weather is good!  You can check out the details HERE.

Finally, due to the continued sendage at the Slide, the un-opened problems that were included on the original 'List of Missing Problems' continues to shrink.  Here is the original list (with the nine additional lines that expand it to 50 problems), with annotations showing the problems that have been sent.  Enjoy!

1. Rumrunner Arete (V5, FA by me, August 2015)
2. Floodwater*
3. Mark of the Beast*
4. In Karst We Trust (V2, FA by JB, which means it is likely a sandbag... )
5. The King in the North (V8, FA by JB, originally called the Wizard Prow Project)
6. Nautilus (V6), FA by Mark D.  Fun compression.
7. March of Time (V9, FA by JB, I've tried it, its brutally hard!)
8. Leviathan (V9+ish, FA by JB, originally called the Seaworld Arete Project)
9. Blessings In Disguise (V8), FA by Josh B.  Originally called the Black Slot Project.
10. Hang 'Em High (V6ish, FA by me, highball that can likely be linked into Wild West)
11. Derailed (V10, FA by JB.  Tough!)
12. Junk Arete* (not sure if this will go anymore after breakage)
13. House Super-Project* (maybe impossible)
14. Apollo 11 (V10, FA by JB, Frank's hardest dyno!)
15. Giant Left
16. Giant Right
17. Baby Giant
18. The Shield (V9+, FA by JB: July 19 2014, big moves, lots of compression)
19. Sunny Corner
20. Fully Fed (V7, FA by JB: July 20 2104, slopey extension to Feed the Need)
21. Evan's Cave
22. The Right Right (V8, FA: July 13 2014. Powerful and subtle with a solid heel hook)
23. Split Left (V9, FA: July 2013 by Morgan D. Powerful moves on edges)
24. Explosive Relaxation (V5), Sept. 2015, by Evan E. The original Split Boulder Prow is probably impossible...
25. Seventy Arete*
26. The Ice Cave (V7, FA: April 21 2014. Amazingly subtle movement on edges and pinches.)
27. Zombotron (V7, first ascent since break by JB)
28. Lupa (V5, FA by JB, but looks really morpho, and much harder for shorter people)
29. White Bulge
30. Beaver Prow
31. Dan's Project*
32. Flying Squirrel* (JB did an easier version of this line)
33. The Bolshevik (V8, FA by JB, has a handful of VERY stout moves)
34. Long Wall Center (done by Mark and Kyle, not sure of the name)
35. Long Wall Right (this was done by Mark and Kyle, I think, not sure of the name)
36. Zeus Cube Right
37. Zeus Cube Left
38. The Blessing (V7, FA: July 13 2014. Great slopers with techy footwork)
39. Sherlock (V7, FA: April 30 2014. Funky prow problem with techy movement)  
40. Graveyard Shift (V6, FA: June 15 2014. Tricky sequential moves on flat edges)
41. The Disease (V5, FA by Evan, I think)

42. The Vanishing
43. White Scar Face
44. Swan Song Project
45. Salty Wind Slab
46. No-Pocket Slab
47. PAL Project
48. Ranch Boulder Projects
49. Stampede Project
50. Trail of Broken Dreams

What Happened at the 2015 Tour de Frank!

Another year of Tour de Frank has come and gone!  While we didn't have great weather (argh!), everyone had a lot of fun, with LOTS of problems getting sent.  It was especially great to see climbers of all ages and skill levels out there, which is really what the Tour de Frank is all about!  Once more, I would like to thank all our sponsors for the event: Awesome Adventures (in Lethbridge), Friction Labs (makers of the finest climbing chalk available), Petzl, Black Diamond, and Flashed Climbing.  A huge shout out goes to Awesome Adventures, they acted as our sponsor coordinator, and did a great job.  If you are shopping for new climbing gear, swing by and talk to them!

The event went very well, and there will be an article describing the TdF appearing in Squamish Climbing Magazine (click HERE to check them out!).  For those of you who don't regularly read SCM, here's an advance version of the article.  Enjoy, and we'll see  you next year at the 2016 TdF!

I moved to Lethbridge just over three years ago.  In that time I have spent well over 100 days bouldering at the sprawl of limestone blocks that is Frank Slide.  The proximity of Lethbridge to the boulders of the Crowsnest Pass is, in fact, one of the reasons I moved to the area, and the days I have spent there have had three important effects.  First, I’m fairly certain that I now qualify as a Frank Slide “local”; in fact, none of the “locals” of the area actually live in the Crowsnest Pass.  Second, it has allowed me to appreciate the unique attributes of bouldering at The Slide, namely crisp movement across smooth and ever-so-slightly sloping edges, relentlessly technical footwork, cryptic sequences, and appreciating the severe and zen-like beauty of the endless expanse of boulders strewn across the Crowsnest Pass.  Third, given that Frank Slide is separated from Lethbridge by 85 minutes of asphalt, I have spent a lot of time piloting my trusty van across the grasslands of Southern Alberta.

Justin pulling on the devious slopers of Energitus (V8), on the Killer Boulder.

Conversations during the drive to the Slide and back are predictably lively.  “What problems should we try? Which sector should we visit?  How much time should we spend on that project from last week?”  One topic of conversation that crops up regularly is ways that we can promote the climbing at The Slide.   Out of one of these discussions was born the Tour de Frank.  Kyle Marco and I envisioned the TdF as a fun-centric bouldering event that would get people out to the Slide for a day of climbing and exploration.  2015 is the second year of the TdF, and this year the event expanded substantially with great support from a number of sponsors (including Awesome Adventures in Lethbridge, as well as Friction Labs, Petzl, Black Diamond, and Flashed Climbing), and a more experienced organisational team.

Dan Archambault from Edmonton above the crowd on Tombstone Right (V5).

The autumn is usually a beautiful time of the year to climb at the Slide, with cottonwood trees blazing yellow and predictably dry and sunny weather.  The day of the Tour de Frank would, unfortunately, be the exception that proves the rule, with intermittent showers and sunny periods throughout the day.  Fortunately, we had free coffee and pastries available for all the competitors, and by 10:45 the crowd had swelled to about 50 visitors eager to see the event start.  After a brief orientation – which included an introduction to the scoring system and handing out of free guides to the area – the horn blew at 11:00 to send everyone out into the Slide for six hours of bouldering!

Kyle delivering the gospel at the 2015 Tour De Frank.

Several climbers took advantage of Kyle’s workshop on ‘Frank Slide Bouldering for Newcomers’, while the rest of the competitors filtered out into the clusters of boulders that comprise the Healing, Riverside, Albatross, Lipsmacker, and Prow Sectors.  Climbers from Lethbridge, Fernie, Calgary, Red Deer, and Edmonton had made the trip down to the Slide, and it soon became apparent that even occasional showers couldn’t keep them from having a great time.  The usually rough landings of the Slide were subdued by a profusion of bouldering mats, as many of the area’s classic lines fell one by one.  Gold Leaf Slab (V0+), Chicken Little Arete (V2), Healing Arete (V5), Graveyard Shift (V6), Energitus (V8), and Nintendo 69 (V9) all saw many ascents by enthusiastic groups of boulderers.  The late arrival of Josh Bylsma to the event resulted in the first ascent of one of the open projects, the so-called ‘Powerline Project’, for the first time in the two years of the TdF.  Several young climbers from the Lethbridge Junior Climbing Team came to the event, and sent several classic lines with style and authority.

I did a little climbing; here I am reaching for the final hold on Healing Arete (V5).  Thanks Evan E. for the photos!

At 5:00, the horn blew, and climbers converged once again at the main desk to swap stories of the day and await announcements of the winners of each category.  Boxes of draw prizes from our sponsors were handed out to the climbers as the results were tallied, and many climbers were sent home with samples of Friction Labs Chalk to enjoy.  In an impressive effort, Michelle Lee of Calgary won the Women’s Open category, while Dan Archambault (of Edmonton) and Mark Derksen (of Lethbridge) tied to win the Men’s Open.  With the day winding down, Kyle and I thanked everyone for coming out, and watched as tired but satisfied climbers headed back to their cars.  We hope to see everyone back next year for the 2016 Tour de Frank, which will once again challenge climbers… but in an entirely different area of the Slide! 

RESULTS 

Youth Male (11 and under): Kolven Cook

Youth Female (11 and under): Ciara Meadows

Junior Male (12-17): Will Kwan

Junior Female (12-17): Aspen Cook, Lauren Kwan, Myla Sept (tie)

Beginner Male: Dain Galts

Beginner Female: Morgan Lupka

Intermediate Male: Dan Anhorn

Intermediate Female: n/a

Open Male: Dan Archambault, Mark Derksen (tie)

Open Female: Michelle Lee

Tour de Frank: Waiver for Junior and Youth Competitors

Hello!  The day of the TdF is coming soon!  It occurred to us today that there might be a few youth competitors who are coming to the Tour de Frank with their friends, but without their parents. 

For most competitors, you don't have to worry about registering or signing a waiver ahead of time, but if you are 18 or under, AND your parent(s) will NOT be at the TdF with you, have your parents fill out and sign the standard event waiver (click HERE for a copy of the waiver), and bring it with you.

If you are over 18, OR are under 18 and will be accompanied by a parent, you don't have to do anything in advance.  Just find us at the main table and signup before 10:45 on Saturday!

Cheers!

Tour de Frank Information Package!

We're looking forward to seeing you on the weekend!  If you are excited to make your way down to Frank Slide for the 2015 Tour de Frank, here's all the information you will need to find the area, find parking, and find us!  Things will slowly get rolling at 10:00, with orientation at 10:45, and the event starting at 11:00.  If you're a bit late, don't worry - there should be someone at (or near) the table throughout the day.

Click below for more information! 

Tour de Frank Information Package

A PDF of the information package is here...

Tour de Frank Information Package PDF

If you want a little more information about the various sectors of the Slide, or want a nice map to help you find the Healing Sector (where most of the problems in the event are located), check out the Sector map here...

Frank Slide Sector Map

See you Saturday!

2015 Tour de Frank... in two weeks!

It's that time of the year again!  In just a few weeks, the 2015 Tour de Frank will kick off for a fantastic day of bouldering, and getting out to sample the problems of Canada's Greatest Limestone Bouldering Area!  We've got a great problem list worked out for this year, and with a new lineup of sponsors we're looking forward to a great event!

The full information package will be online in a few days, so check back to read all the details about this year's Tour de Frank.  We'd like to especially thank Awesome Adventures (click here for a link to their website) for all their help with sponsors this year.  It should be a great event, so save the date, and plan on heading down to The Slide for a day of bouldering!

If  you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me via Facebook (either message me or post a question on the 2015 Tour de Frank Event Page).

Cheers!

 

Climber Profile: The Enigmatic Josh Bylsma!

Last spring, I received an unexpected email.  It began "My name is Josh Bylsma.  I am a climber from Red Deer."  Until that moment, I had never heard of Josh, but he went to write that he had read my blog, and he was curious about the potential for hard boulder problems at The Slide.

I replied to the message, encouraged him to come down for a visit, and expressed my hope that we could get together and do some climbing.  I wasn't sure if I would ever hear from Josh again, but was relatively certain that a visiting climber from Red Deer would be unlikely to crack open any of the technical and cryptic projects at The Slide.

Needless to say, I couldn't have been more wrong.  Josh absolutely tore through the Slide that summer, devouring open projects like a hot mid-winter chinook eats snow drifts.  His rampage continued well into the winter and through to the spring, and when the dust had settled Josh had essentially quadrupled the number of hard problems at The Slide.  Among the testpieces established by Josh are Shelley Was A Doctor First Extension (V11), Apollo 11 (V10), Derailed (V10), and The Shield (V10), as well as repeats of other difficult lines such as Chain Gang (V11, second ascent; first ascent after a key hold broke) and Cognitive Dissonance (V10, second ascent).  He is currently climbing in Canmore, but when the weather cools off, I'm sure he'll be back at the Slide, making progress on what will be Alberta's hardest problems.

Josh is a boulderer's boulderer; tall, strong, shabbily dressed, sporting questionable facial hair, and with a back shaped like an inverted equilateral triangle.  His height allows him to carry the stacks of pads one needs to climb solo in the Slide, and his ruthless dedication to training allows him to squeeze the smooth sloping edges of the Slide into submission.  Josh is also eternally amiable, and is always willing to share pads, provide beta, or to spot diligently without comment.  

Josh has graciously agreed to answer the grueling questions of my infamous "Top Three" Questionnaire.  Read on!

The engmatic Josh B. on his gold-streaked testpiece The Shield (V10), City of Giants Sector.

1. Full name? Joshua Alexander Bylsma

2. Where from? Pine Lake and Red Deer, Alberta.

3. Top three favorite climbing areas?

1. Frank Slide

2. Acephale

3. My basement, aka The Dungeon, aka The Temple of Doom 

4. What do you consider to be your top three important and significant climbing accomplishments?

Well, I don’t think I’ve really “accomplished” anything, but I can think of at least three significant “things” I’ve gotten out of climbing:

First, experiences like entering my first climbing competition a few weeks after I started climbing, or the day (3 seasons ago, now) that I started my current sport-climbing project.  Those were times that I really had no idea what I was getting myself into and I just jumped in with both feet, got in over my head, felt nervous and embarrassed, but ultimately got really hooked.  These experiences really galvanized and accelerated my growth in climbing.  Anytime I’ve gone against the grain of working up to something in the proper fashion or of doing something sensibly, I’ve generally been rewarded with a rude-yet-inspiring awakening.

Second, experiences like the spring of 2011, when I completed my two biggest boulder projects at the time.  They both had really condition-dependent cruxes, for me.  One day, I just decided to pack my car the night before and wake up at 3:00am, so I could get to the first project by 5:00am, when it would be just light enough to see, giving me the maximum window of opportunity to warm-up and give redpoint attempts before the sun hit the holds.  I applied this strategy every week for a month or so, ultimately sending the problem.  I used the same strategy to complete the second project.  This has become quite characteristic of my climbing ever since:  a simple willingness, turned into an embracement, and eventually turned into a relishment of going to minor extremes to get things done - including, of course, the endless (at times monotonous, at time ludicrous, at times hilarious, but always ultimately productive) hours of mad-scientist effort and experimentation in the torture chamber that is my basement.  A “Truman Show”esque broadcast from my basement would be one of the most entertaining and disturbing reality-shows I can imagine!  On a side note, because of the early morning tactic, I’ve enjoyed many moments of sitting on top of a finished boulder project, under sunrise and foggy breath, in a perfectly still, quiet world of my own.     

Third, the process of gradually narrowing down what it is I’m looking for and trying to get out of climbing - which, I think, is simply having a project of inspiring quality and difficulty.  That’s not to say this can’t change eventually, or that it’s not reinvigorating to have a change of pace or scenery once in a while.  But, for now, I have all the training resources I need, a great climbing scene and community to be part of, and I have 5.14+ and V13+ in my “backyard”.  Realizing these things has allowed me to let go of a lot of extraneous things, and just enjoy the fact that I have no excuses, I have no complaints, and I have a long ways to go before anything other than my own volition and gumption are holding me back.

4. What do you consider to be your top three most important and significant non-climbing accomplishments?

Okay, now it’s just getting sad and embarrassing to look back and realize how utterly unaccomplished I am.  Mostly I just feel really lucky about the hand I was dealt in life:  I had a great family, great friends, a great upbringing, and wide-open opportunities.  I guess a person just keeps working towards being somebody those things weren’t wasted on.  Three things I feel good about, though, are:

1. I get to go put in an honest day’s work at a job that’s challenging, interesting, and feels worth doing (although it is a job that you always feel hopelessly incompetent at!).  2. I have things in my life that I’m passionate about and feel energized about.

3. I think I’ve been able to help out and make a positive impact on a few people, here and there.

5. Top three favorite routes?

I’m not exactly a route connoisseur . . . if anything, I’ve tended to go for the more neglected, or obscure routes.  And, I prefer routes that are short, steep, straightforward, power-endurance climbing (with maybe a nasty crux thrown in somewhere).  So, a lot of my favorite routes (especially my current/all-time favorite) are not necessarily routes I’d recommend.  Three routes that immediately come to mind, though, and I would recommend are:

1. Pandora (.13b) at Acephale (Lower Wall).  It’s a pain to get to the good climbing, but . . . come on! Punchy, flowing, STEEP climbing, culminating in an all-points off, double-clutch dyno at thirty meters. You’ll never forget it!  

 2. Cup O’ Joe (.13b) at Carrot Creek (Raven’s Nest Buttress) has a super cool crux sequence through a roof.  If I recall correctly:  a big crossover to a sloper, a toe-hook hand-foot match, unwind, bicycle...something awesome like that.  

 3. Old Timer (.13c) at Heart Creek (Bayon).  There’s no wasted rock on that thing!  It’s fingery, it’s technical, it’s burly, it’s “old-school”.  Basically, double-stacked power-endurance boulder problems with not one millimeter of fluff or bad climbing.  Every single move feels hard in sequence.   

I better mention Beam Me Up Scotty (.13c) at Acephale (Upper Wall).  That thing has a wild, one-of-a-kind crux on it.  Maybe not a classic route-climber’s route, but a must-do. 

(Ed. I added the grades.  Josh is always reluctant to spray...)

 

Josh about to shoulder his 'XL pad - Jacket - XL pad - Backpack' stack. Ergh.

6. Top three boulder problems?

Boulder problems are simple.  First:  tall, proud, beckoning to be climbed.  Second:  holds and moves that deliver on that visual promise  It took no time to think of these:

1. Fear of a Black Hat (V9) in Red Rocks (Kraft Boulders).

2. The King in the North (V8) in Frank Slide (Karst Valley).

3. Little Hulkamaniac (V2) in Frank Slide (Hulkamaniac).

I’m not saying these are “the best” problems.  There’re hundreds of problems I would rave about.  But these three were such striking, alluring, compelling lines.  I can think of other problems I would rate as good as these, but I can’t think of any I could definitively say are better.  And these all had a little something extra or special about them at the time.  

(Ed. All three of these problems are well into the spooky-highball territory.)

...and finally, a pithy quote from Josh, giving us a little insight into the mystery behind the man.

"Well, a student gave me a caricature they drew of me once, and my catch phrase was, “Don’t be stupid . . . ”  That brought a tear to my eye!"

Even from the beginning, Josh had a keen eye for fashion...

Telekinesis and an update of The List!

Frank in the summer!  When it's too windy or too hot it can be a bit full-on, but much of the time it's a great place to spend a warm day of bouldering!  The scenery is beautiful, and the climbing is great as long as the temperatures stay below 30C.  Two weeks ago I headed to Frank for a half-day of bouldering with my family, and met up with Kyle to work a few problems in the Farm Sector.  Mostly we climbed moderate lines (actually, seven new problems from V0 to V5ish), and repeated Tesseract (V4) and Black Peter (V4).  Kyle wasn't too enthusiastic about Tesseract, but clearly his 'fun problems compass' needs to be calibrated... :)  We had a good time, and ended the day with a fire, hotdogs and marshmallows by the river with Shelley, Aya, and Rowan.  Great times in the mountains!

Last weekend, Kyle and I headed back to the Slide (not surprisingly!) to jump on a few harder projects.  We "warmed up" by hiking around in Spiderweb Left (which is, strictly speaking, a terrible way to warm up in Frank Slide, as hiking in talus is brutal for my knees), and then (more realistically) warmed up on four new moderate problems on a smallish boulder about 60m east of the Wind Boulder (probably V0, V1, V2, and V3).  After doing them several times, we headed over to work Telekinesis (V8ish) on the Wind Boulder.  I have so far put a couple of sessions into the problem, and was hopeful that this time I would manage to string the problem together.  Unfortunately, the problem resisted my best attempts; although I fell from the final hold more than once, I couldn't quite manage the essentially blind footmatch that allows me to match the final hold and then reach up to the lip.  Ugh!  I'm pretty certain that the problem will go down eventually (likely my next trip to Frank Slide), and then I'll move back on to my other summer projects, The Renaissance (V9) and The Prism (V8/9).

Kyle on Telekinesis (V8ish); many powerful moves from the start to this point at the lip!

Feeling a little beat (since it was probably 6:00 or so), we nonetheless headed over to try the Rumrunner Project in the Zombotron area.  The river is finally low enough to cross without difficulty, so we were able to get up to the project for the first time in many months.  The line had more loose rock than I remembered, so I spend a half-hour cleaning it up and building a bit of a landing.  Due to an awkward dab-block, I started the problem one move higher than I really wanted to (LH on a good undercling, and RH on an angled edge instead of a slightly lower incut slot), but it ended up being a fun line, with a long deadpoint to a sloper, and then a few tricky moves before tipping onto a slab and climbing to the top.  Kyle grew very interested in following the arete all the way to the top of the boulder, which would certainly be more exciting (and a LOT more dangerous, since the landing becomes very bad as you climb up the angled arete).  It was nice to tick another one of the projects off the original "List",  with a send of Rumrunner Arete (V5ish), with the prospect of taking the line further up the arete.

Now thoroughly thrashed, we drove to A&W for hamburgers, and headed back to Lethbridge.

______________________

It has been over a year since I posted the original "List of Missing Problems", a list of (at last count) approximately 40 unopened problems of evidently high quality at the Slide.  There has been additions and deletions to the List, but here is the List again, with those problems that have since been sent annotated with First Ascent information.

Josh B getting high on his committing highball The King in the North (V8), one of the original problems on The Missing Problems List.  Tim Banfield photo.

1. Rumrunner Arete (V5, FA by me, August 2015)
2. Floodwater*
3. Mark of the Beast*
4. In Karst We Trust (V2, FA by JB, which means it is likely a sandbag... )
5. The King in the North (V8, FA by JB, originally called the Wizard Prow Project)
6. Old Man and the Sea
7. March of Time (V9, FA by JB, I've tried it, its brutally hard!)
8. Leviathan (V9+ish, FA by JB, originally called the Seaworld Arete Project)
9. Black Slot
10. Hang 'Em High (V6ish, FA by me, highball that can likely be linked into Wild West)
11. Derailed (V10, FA by JB.  Tough!)
12. Junk Arete* (not sure if this will go anymore after breakage)
13. House Super-Project*
14. Apollo 11 (V10, FA by JB, Frank's hardest dyno!)
15. Giant Left
16. Giant Right
17. Baby Giant
18. The Shield (V9+, FA by JB: July 19 2014, big moves, lots of compression)
19. Sunny Corner
20. Fully Fed (V7, FA by JB: July 20 2104, slopey extension to Feed the Need)
21. Evan's Cave
22. The Right Right (V8, FA: July 13 2014. Powerful and subtle with a solid heel hook)
23. Split Left (V9, FA: July 2013 by Morgan D. Powerful moves on edges)
24. Split Boulder Prow
25. Seventy Arete*
26. The Ice Cave (V7, FA: April 21 2014. Amazingly subtle movement on edges and pinches.)
27. Zombotron (V7, first ascent since break by JB)
28. Lupa (V5, FA by JB, but looks really morpho, and much harder for shorter people)
29. White Bulge
30. Beaver Prow
31. Dan's Project*
32. Flying Squirrel* (JB did an easier version of this line)
33. The Bolshevik (V8, FA by JB, has a handful of VERY stout moves)
34. Long Wall Center
35. Long Wall Right (this was done by Mark and Kyle, I think, not sure of the name)
36. Zeus Cube Right
37. Zeus Cube Left
38. The Blessing (V7, FA: July 13 2014. Great slopers with techy footwork)
39. Sherlock (V7, FA: April 30 2014. Funky prow problem with techy movement)  
40. Graveyard Shift (V6, FA: June 15 2014. Tricky sequential moves on flat edges)
41. The Disease (V5, FA by Evan, I think)

Only about 16 of the original problems remain!  Of course, there are always new problems (projects!) being found in the Slide.  New problems worthy of being added to The List include...

42. The Vanishing
43. White Scar Face
44. Swan Song Project
45. Salty Wind Slab
46. No-Pocket Slab
47. PAL Project
48. Ranch Boulder Projects
49. Stampede Project
50. Trail of Broken Dreams

Until next time!

Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere!

Despite the fact that Josh Bylsma lives in Red Deer, he is one of Frank Slide's most dedicated locals.  In shoulder seasons when temperatures aren't too hot, he often makes the drive down to the Slide every weekend.  He has established many (perhaps even most!) of Frank Slide's hardest lines, including Deliverance (V8), March of Time (V9), The Shield (V10), and Apollo 11 (V10).  This is his first guest column here at the The Climbing Life.  The photos that accompany the article are by the talented Tim Banfield (click HERE to see more of his fantastic work).  So read on, and enjoy Josh's tongue-in-cheek reflections on bouldering at The Slide!

____________________________________

Everybody Knows This is Nowhere by Josh Bylsma

Josh Bylsma atop the Baby Giant Boulder in the City of Giants Sector, after climbing the highball Maniac MacGee (V1).  Tim Banfield photo.

 

Everybody seems to wonder what it’s like down here.  Well . . . stop.  And don’t.  Stop wondering. And don’t come here.

DO.  NOT.  COME.  TO.  FRANK.  SLIDE.

It’s awful.  I mean . . . okay, so this one time, when I was in grade 1 or 2, I told my friend I had this awesome new flavor of beef jerky.  So he wolfed down a handful.  Except they were dog treats.  A few days later, he got me back.  We were running around on the playground on a hot day after school.  I got real thirsty.  He offered me a thermos full of delicious “juice”.  I took a massive gulp.  He had been soaking a hot dog in that water since I fed him the dog treats.  Anyways, getting tricked into bouldering at Frank Slide would be a similarly nasty surprise, leaving a similarly bad taste in your mouth.

Where do I even begin?  

The Slide itself.  It’s like when you empty your pockets at the end of the day.  Just a mishmash of coins, lint, chewing gum wrappers . . .  a collection of random rubbish, all different shapes, sizes, colors, and textures.  That’s what The Slide is like.  The boulders are hideous.  They don’t even match!  That one has stripes, that one is dark-gray cement or something . . . I think that one is just a pile of dirt.  Sure, there’re some nice ones.  I suppose.  But you have to find those.  

The holds?  You’ll rip them off everywhere.  Hell . . . holds break off when nobody’s even been climbing on them.  Don’t be surprised to arrive at your project and find that holds have magically disappeared.  Popped off from freezing, or thawing.  Or the wind.  Sure, you could clean the rock before you climb it.  But that’s like . . . work.  And sometimes you even need a rope for that!  All the boulders here are really just broken holds off of a mountain anyways.  So what do you expect?

Mark Derksen working through life's possibilities on The Possiblizer (V4), Karst Valley Sector.  Tim Banfield photo.

The landings?  Just a jagged jumble of razor-edged, poison-tipped spikes, somewhere between a Burmese tiger trap and the Great Pit of Carkoon.  Sure, you could shuffle some rocks and make a landing.  But who has time for that?

The approaches?  Remember the “Word of God” challenge that almost killed Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade?  We should be so lucky in Frank!  You can’t afford one false step in that talus minefield.  Not to mention it swallows chalk bags, brushes, keys, wallets, children, and small dogs, all never to be seen again.

The climbing season?  Well, you can climb basically year-round.  But the summer’s too hot.  The winter’s too cold.  The spring’s too wet.  And the fall?  Shouldn’t you be on a road-trip, or at least sport-climbing in the Bow Valley?

The locals?  Lying, sandbagging pirates.  Won’t share projects.  Won’t show you the good stuff.  Won’t give beta.  You’ll be lucky if they don’t steal the crashpad from off your back or under your climb.

Josh Bylsma squeezing the gold-streaked rock of The Shield (V10), City of Giants.  Tim Banfield photo.

Besides . . . none of that stuff matters anyways, because there’s no guidebook.  And the problems are all contrived, reachy, lowballs.

So, seriously.  Don’t come here.  Everybody knows this is nowhere.

But that’s just what a lying, sandbagging pirate would tell you.

Frank Slide is currently Alberta’s largest developed bouldering area, with approximately 700 problems from V0 to V11, and scope for much more.  There is a small, but very active, core group of developers putting up new problems on a weekly basis,  They’re all glad to introduce new climbers to The Slide and share the existing and potential boulder problems it has to offer.  The best conditions are found in early spring and late fall, but there are sectors suited to any day between a sunny subzero and a breezy thirty-above.  Three pads will do you good for the vast majority of problems, and while there are some contrived, reachy lowballs, there are plenty of proud, aesthetic highballs, too.  And everything in between.  The rock on well-traveled problems, and on newly developed problems, is generally very solid, offering all of your favorite holds and features, although sloping edges and rails are most prevalent.  There is no official guidebook at this time, but you can visit the “Southern Alberta/Rockies Bouldering” Facebook page for the most current news and updates, and to connect with local climbers.